Wedding at the Bahurutshe

Africa is often seen as a traditional and a cultural entity.  However, I was only exposed to it in bits and pieces. When we went to the Bahrutshe Cultural Lodge, things were different. The people of the lodge welcomed us with this elaborate dance. I'll be honest; I was caught off guard. But, it didn't end there. The lodge is specifically aimed at tourists to get a feel of what is/was like in the actual African tradition. They explained to us the process of a traditional Tswana marriage.  The chief and the elders are the only witnesses allowed during the marriage. The groom needs to pay lobola or dowry in the form of cattle to marry the girl he wants. Every village has a low limit to how much cattle the groom needs to pay in order to marry. For instance, I was joking around with a Motswana nurse the clinic that I wanted to marry her, and how much cattle does she want. Her answer was at least 8. I'm not sure how much a cow costs in U.S. dollars, but I'll definitely let you guys know in another post. So before the marriage services began, they sang another song for us.  

                                                         They sang for us!    

Marriages are held in a Kgotla (I’m sure you know what a Kgotla is by now) in front of elders. But we obviously didn’t reenact the marriage ceremonial in a Kgotla.  So the bride came in first wearing a shawl on her head keeping her head down. She is supposed to keep her head down and not look elsewhere; if she does, it would mean she is looking for another man. Then the groom came in, while the elders sang. One of the elder men started to talk; I guess you can think of him as the MC for the event. He started of saying how the bride is as “black as her bed, but beautiful and shining” in Setswana. Then he mentioned the dowry and how its placed far away from the eyes of everyone, because people can do witchcraft or bring bad luck to the new couple because of jealously or bad intentions. Thus, the amount of lobola was just mentioned and the groom agreed to give 10 cattle to the bride’s family (to the uncle of the bride, don’t know why). That’s quite expensive! There go my chances of marrying a Botswana woman.
So the marriage services are usually done early in the morning. After the marriage service, the groom is not supposed to kiss his bride because its taboo in Batswana culture. He can do that in their hut on their ‘first night of honeymoon.’ The elder also threw pieces of bones from a bag; depending on how they land, this would tell the family of the bride and groom if other people of the village were jealous of the couple. If the bones didn’t land properly (if they land separate), the couple wasn’t allowed to spend the night together. This is because there was a belief that people who are jealous would steal their foot tracks to not make the couple spend the night together.  It was their form of science to practice such a ritual.  The elder then talks to his late elders. He initiates the bride in to her new family with a cow horn. A cow horn is known to protect the family in Setswana culture. The elders then escort the newlywed to their honeymoon hut, where the elders will camp outside the hut. You may be wandering why the elders are being creepy? The first night of the couple is when the virginity of the bride is determined by the elders. The lady that did most of the explaining, told us how nowadays people think is a violation of human rights and the practiced has been abandoned in urban areas. But she said it wasn’t about human rights but practicing of culture. This is the norm they practiced. An important point was brought up by the elders that if the younger generation practiced this inquiring of virginity, there wouldn’t be problem of HIV/AIDS pandemic in the country. The girls were told in the olden days that if they were to be with other men, they would die.

The groom finally comes out from his honeymoon hut and goes straight to his father to explain to him how his night went. If the groom says it was good, then everything went well. However, if he says it didn’t go well, it means that bride doesn’t like her husband and doesn’t want be in a marriage. In the latter case, the marriage is invalid and the girl is free to walk out of her marriage without any consequences.

Interesting Fact

            After the marriage service, the village elder and I played a traditional board game called the Mahele. The directions for the game are confusing, but it was a notable experience to have the honor of playing it with a village elder. Check out the pictures in the "Photos" section of the blog